• Maggie Shayne

Be the Woman You Keep Wishing You Were


I hear it all the time, from women everywhere. “I wish I was more like her.” The “her” they’re referring to is often someone just like themselves. Human. Female. Usually of a similar age. But she’s different in some powerful way. Some way that the woman I’m talking to wishes she too could attain, but that has somehow eluded her.

So how did that other woman get that way? Was she just lucky?


How many times have you said this to yourself? I wish I were thinner. I wish I were younger. I wish I looked like that. I wish I were more successful. I wish I were better at math. I wish I could dance like that. I wish I was smarter. I wish I had long hair. And on and on and on.

I talk a lot about the philosophy surrounding the Law of Attraction. Ask and it is Given, wish and it is granted, right? But just wishing isn’t enough. You have to believe it’s possible, be certain you’re capable and you have to live as if. That is, live as if it’s already true. Live as if you already are the person you keep wishing you could be.

I’m going to tell you how to do this in three easy steps. But remember, you have to practice these steps until they become a lifestyle. A habit. As natural to you as breathing. So that you do them without thinking. This takes time, patience, and persistence. Old habits of thought make pathways in the brain and it takes constant repetition to create new pathways. If you abandon the old ones, they’ll soon grow over. In other words, this gets easier.

1. Notice women who are the thing you wish you were, and instead of feeling anything negative, like resentment or jealousy, see them as proof that it’s possible. They have 99.99999999999999999% the same DNA that you do. See them as an affirmation. See them as inspiration. Love them for being a beacon for you, guiding the way. Make friends with them and be sincere. Surround yourself with friends who are what you want to be. (Look at who you’re hanging with now. I’ll bet they’re mostly people who reinforce your belief that change is impossible.)

2. Start noticing the things they DO in their lives that you do not. For example, you look at a woman who is the same age as you, but looks 15 years younger. What is she doing that you’re not? Take notes. Make a study of this. Chances are that her diet and health habits are very different from yours. She probably works out. She probably eats lots of veggies and fruits. She probably keeps her face shielded from the sun. She probably has a very positive attitude and lives life without permitting stress to enter into it, as much as is possible. She’s probably found the perfect hair stylist for her. She probably knows how to dress to accentuate the positive. There are countless things that age us. And countless things that reverse that. You just need to do the research to figure out what they are.

3. Once you’ve figured out what the person you wish you were is doing, do those things. It’s that simple.

You want to be thinner: exercise and eat right like fit people do. You want to be a successful writer, work at your craft, take classes, read the authors you love and keep improving, like successful writers do. You want to be happy in your life, ban complaining and embrace appreciation like happy people do.

Be that person you keep saying you wish you were. Be her now. As you begin living the very life you say you want, it solidifies itself around you. It’s backwards from the way most of us think it works. You have to live it, feel it, be it, FIRST, and THEN it becomes your reality.

So what are you waiting for?

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